


Find Our Way

by thesassmaster



Series: We Just Got Something [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Depression, Hong Jisoo | Joshua-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Jeonghan is a good boyfriend, M/M, Mingyu is a good boyfriend, OT13 - Freeform, Poly, Polyamory, References to Depression, Seventeen are boyfriends, Seventeen loves each other, Soft Hong Jisoo | Joshua, all members are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-24 16:35:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15634545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassmaster/pseuds/thesassmaster
Summary: Joshua's spans spent struggling with his depression still caught him off guard. Though they didn’t seem to last as long and didn’t seem as endless as before he met the 12 boys who changed his life and his mind on so many things – they still happened. Leaving him hopeless and debilitated for a brief time.Or Joshua is having a rough time, a bad day and his boyfriends are good to him. Mingyu in particular. Mingyu especially.





	Find Our Way

**Author's Note:**

> So this is tagged as an ot13...and it will be. This is a prequel of sorts to a bigger story I'm working on and in this one the ot13 is more implied :)  
> But with that here it is. Mainly Josh x Mingyu. Let me know what you think and stay tuned for more.

Some days Joshua just can’t encourage himself to get out of bed. It wasn’t always like this but recently he’d been having fewer and fewer good days, his spans spent struggling with his depression caught him off guard still. Though they didn’t seem to last as long and didn’t seem as endless as before he met the 12 boys who changed his life and his mind on so many things – they still happened. Leaving him hopeless and debilitated for a brief time.

 

When he’d fallen for each of them individually, he didn’t think he’d ever get to have all of them, that they’d all feel the same for him and want to be with him too. Sometimes, life worked in your favor or at least that’s what Joshua tried to remind himself. He’d been given so much, had been so blessed in his life but right now, having a rare, horrible day he couldn’t really get a good grasp on that concept.

He still tried though, he tried really hard to remember that he was okay and everything was okay and tomorrow would be better, he just had to get through today. He’d spent a good portion of that day being thankful that they didn’t have a schedule to adhere to and he was even more thankful when upon hearing the other two in his room wake up they didn’t urge him to join them in whatever they were doing. 

It seemed that Seokmin didn’t want to leave him as he nudged Joshua over on his mattress, settling in next to him, wasting no time in wrapping him up in his arms, tucking him against his broad chest, lips pressed to the top of his head, still and warm. He was glad they knew him well enough to not push or ask a hundred questions, they’ve been exposed to his depression for long enough to know that nothing could fix a bad day, he just had to ride it out and pray the next day wouldn’t appear as dark as the one before it.

He took deep breaths to copy those that Seokmin was taking, likely a tactic to lull him to sleep, though Joshua felt, in this moment he could sleep for days on end and not feel rested.

 He’s not sure how long he laid there, wrapped in his boyfriend’s arms but when he wakes, Seokmin’s breathing is even and he’s snoring quietly, he tips his head back to look at him, smiling softly at the strong face and handsome features that are softer as he sleeps. Joshua loves Seokmin hopelessly, over the edge and over and over and over again.

And Joshua loves Seungcheol madly, like losing his mind in warm eyes and a strong sense of self that protects him from most anything.

And he loves, no he adores, Jeonghan like crazy, his souls’ perfect match, the ideal complement to his own heart, his partner in love and crime.

And he can hardly bear how much he loves Junhui, like he’d die without his touch or stop breathing if he wasn’t near him.

And he loves Soonyoung endlessly, forever and constant like a sky full of stars. It’s there and steady for him, always.

And Wonwoo is every end to his every beginning, full to the brim with light and passion and butterflies, a life he looks ahead to with hope.

And his heart beats for Jihoon, at a rate you wouldn’t believe, with a purpose few would understand.

And Mingyu, his gentle giant, when his head gets the better of him, Mingyu’s there to steal his breath and calm his heart and keep him safe in the darkness. He loves Mingyu so bad. 

And Minghao, set his world into motion and showed him that life and love were fluid, like water.

And his love for Seungkwan is like a flurry of light, a burst of color, he brought out a livelier side in him, showed him that having an opinion is wonderful and kindness comes in many shapes and at many volumes.

And Vernon, his clever, devilish boy with his eager hands and rapt attention he casts spells and works magic. He makes him feel so beautiful and he loves Joshua in a way he can’t deny, in a way he returns with gusto.

And Joshua loves Chan with a passion, one that makes him feel like he could conquer the world with a single word, one that makes him want to press pause on life to gain a few more moments with Chan, his powerful force.

These boys, his 12 imperfectly, wonderfully different boys, fated to find one another, destined to become one in both work and in love, he couldn’t possibly imagine a better outcome for himself and yet some days he can’t even be grateful for this and for them because his head is feeding him lies and his heart is having a hard time keeping up with the truth.

 

He’s not sure if he falls back asleep after staring at his boyfriend’s jaw and wondering if his chest should feel this tight but it’s some time later that Jeonghan comes into the room quietly.

Joshua knows it’s him by his footsteps, light and cautious across his floor and then by his smell, the comforting, subtle cologne he wears. He turns around, rolling over in Seokmin’s arms to face the room, he watches as Jeonghan comes to stand by his bed, getting closer to kneel on the floor next to him.

“Hi,” he whispers, his hand reaches out to stroke Joshua’s hair away from his eyes, his fingers trail slowly down his cheek, repeating the action again and again.

Joshua smiles up at him, closing his eyes at the soft touches.

“When I hadn’t seen either of you all day I got worried but I see you guys just wanted some alone time,” he finishes his statement with a small, wry smile but Joshua knows him well and he can see that that’s not actually what he thinks is going on here but he’s giving Josh an out if he wants it.

A part of him does.

But the other part of him knows if he can trust anyone with the darkest parts of himself its Jeonghan, who is also very familiar with the never-ending battle that comes with anxiety and depression, though his is tamer and less likely than his own, Josh knows he at least, on some level, understands this.

“It wasn’t that,”

Jeonghan moves closer, rests his head on his hand as he props himself on the mattress next to Joshua’s pillow. He hums, so Josh thinks of what to say next.

“I was tired and apparently so was he,” the both peek at Seokmin who must sense he’s being talked about because he lets out an adorable snuffle, snuggling his face into the back of Josh’s neck with a soft sigh. They both smile back at him before returning their attention to each other. 

“Bad day,” Jeonghan asks, Josh wonders if he’s aware of the way his voice broke over the words, the sound rips off a piece of his heart, crumples it and throws it away.

He nods, feeling his eyes grow hot without his consent, hoping he doesn’t cry.

Jeonghan nods back, leans in to press their foreheads together, “do you need anything?” Joshua sighs as his eyes close, thinking of exactly a dozen things he needs desperately right now, or rather a dozen people. But he also knows himself and he knows that having them all here would make him feel cramped and panicked and he hates disappointing them by feeling so poor about himself. Most times he’d much rather be alone and they all seem okay with that, as long as he doesn’t isolate himself completely or spend too long in the bathroom or refuse to let at least one of them in if it’s been longer than 72 hours. They never leave him alone for too long but they also respect him enough to give him the space he needs, confident that he’ll come to them when he’s ready, knowing he hates them seeing him like this anyways.

“I’m okay,” Joshua whispers after a while.

“I know you are but do you _need_ anything,”

He thinks about it, he’s comfortable right now, still tired and he’s not hungry, he can think of one thing he really, really needs, or better, someone he really wants.

He blinks up at him, widens his eyes and purses his lips, hoping that his boyfriend takes the hint. Jeonghan, never one to miss an opportunity to kiss one of his boys, doesn’t miss the hint, in fact he snags it out of thin air. He leans closer and closer till the air he lets out tickles his upper lip and makes him shiver, and then their lips are pressing together, slowly, and he’s being kissed languidly, thoroughly, perfectly.

Jeonghan’s fingers thread through his hair, lips pry his open, his head spins faster and faster as the kiss deepens. Josh feels a noise, desperate and whiny work its way up his throat, it shocks him actually because he doesn’t usually make those kinds of noises from kissing alone, it typically takes more than that. He pulls back, stunned with himself but Jeonghan looks more than happy with the occurrence.

He laughs at himself and what he probably looks like to his boyfriend, flushed and embarrassed but happier than he’s felt in days, truly lighter and better.

“Do you need anything else lovebug,” Jeonghan asks, his thumb strokes slowly across his cheekbone and he ducks in again to nuzzle their noses together.

He starts pulling at him but Jeonghan just laughs quietly when the action causes Seokmin to groan and roll away from them, he scoots back after which leaves Josh even less room than before and effectively no room for Jeonghan. They look back at each other and share a smile.

“He’s such a bed hog,” Joshua huffs at the back of his head but he feels compelled to reach behind him and squeeze his hand, fingers wrapping around his wrist.

“I know and he steals blankets,” Jeonghan drums his fingers against Seokmin’s hip, leaving his hand there when he’s done. Josh looks up at Jeonghan where he’s leaning over him slightly and smiles gently, happy that he came to check on him. 

“At least he’s cute,” Jeonghan says, eyes moving slowly over Seokmin’s sleeping form.

“Yeah, he is,” Josh says breathlessly, eyes never leaving Jeonghan. His boyfriend’s eyes move back to him, realizing how distracted he seems.

“I’m cute too right,” he asks with a smirk, leaning close again, tongue peeking out to drag slowly across his parted lips.

“The cutest,” Joshua arches closer to him, arms wrapping around his shoulders and then they’re kissing again and Joshua doesn’t think he ever wants it to end, it’s too good to fathom. But just as it starts and he feels himself getting consumed by the feeling, Jeonghan’s lips and his hands running down Josh’s sides, his head starts swimming as his mouth falls open but then Jeonghan is pulling away and he tries to stifle the whine that threatens to leave him.

“Don’t stop Hannie please…please,” Joshua wraps his arms tighter around Jeonghan’s neck and tries to tug him down to hover over him. Jeonghan doesn’t give in completely, he does lean down and kisses his nose a couple times. Josh tries to stay strong and fight for more kisses but he feels himself calming down, he feels satisfied and the fire feels like it isn’t raging anymore.      

Jeonghan is running his fingers through his hair, stroking and rubbing soothingly at his scalp, the motions have Joshua about ready to start purring. 

“Do you want lunch baby…or early dinner at this point, you haven’t eaten today.” Jeonghan kisses the corner of his mouth and then waits for his answer.

Josh isn’t hungry but he thinks back to Jeonghan’s earlier question, if there was anything else he needed and he can still only think of one thing he could really use right now. 

“Did Sungcheol and the boys go to the studio today,” he asks quietly.

Jeonghan is a master when it comes to Joshua and he seems to know instantly know what he’s getting at.

Jeonghan never seems bothered that he needs someone else, and in general most of them don’t. Joshua wonders if it’s maybe a part of his depression that someone wanting time with another person equates to them not wanting him as much. He’s thought about asking the others but he’s mildly afraid of what the answer would be and he definitely doesn’t want to deal with the questions that will follow and he won’t like having to explain why he feels that way. Because he doesn’t know. He just does. And it’s fascinating to him that Jeonghan never seems to mind if he’d prefer Mingyu or Wonwoo or Seungcheol, he’s confident enough that it doesn’t faze him. Joshua would just like, once in his life, to know what that feels like. To understand what it’s like to not feel like he’s bottom of the totem pole. It might not be true but on a bad day, getting him to understand that is nearly impossible. It must be nice to not feel jealous for no reason whatsoever. It must be nice to be Jeonghan.

Maybe he just knows and is comfortable knowing that Josh loves him like crazy and appreciates him more than words can express and can’t imagine a life where he doesn’t have Jeonghan standing beside him. He’d like to experience that confidence, that assuredness…maybe someday.

Jeonghan smiles at him gently, his hand sneaks into the back of his hair and threads through it, holding him warmly.

“They did…and they should be back soon,” Joshua figures Jeonghan already knows who he’s going to ask for. “You need Mingyu,” Jeonghan whispers against his cheek as he nuzzles him.

Josh feels his eyes get tight and he feels choked up, he won’t cry, not because he needs Mingyu. He’s so obvious about it, he’s sure they all know that when he gets like this the only thing he can think of needing is Mingyu, everyone knows that Mingyu is his heart’s song, his safety net, his remedy. When he’s falling to pieces Mingyu is there humming against his ear, brushing strong fingers through his hair and holding him so tight that Joshua hopes he’ll never let him go. He listens to him when he wants to talk and lets him keep to himself, he also lets him cry and cry and cry if he needs to. Mingyu has a way with him, a way of knowing exactly what he needs always and Joshua is thankful and God, he needs him now.

“Shh bug it’s alright, don’t cry he’ll be home real soon, I promise,” Jeonghan pulls his head up towards him, wrapping his other arm around his waist and hauling him closer.

“Do you want me to call him,” Jeonghan asks, trying to soothe him. He shakes his head, swallows and squeezes his eyes shut tight.

“No, I’m okay, I’ll wait for him.”

Jeonghan nods at him but looks worried as silent tears streak down his face.

“When do you think he’ll be back,”

“An hour maybe, I’ll text him to ask,” Joshua let’s Jeonghan fuss over him for little longer as they sit in silence. He rolls over after giving Jeonghan one last kiss, snuggling into his pillow, against Seokmin’s back and closes his eyes, thinking maybe he’ll just fall back asleep and then Mingyu will be there when he wakes up.

 

When he does wake up, he opens his eyes and Seokmin’s spot is empty and there are fingers stroking through his hair.

He hums and turns over, his eyes land on Mingyu _. Oh, thank goodness._ He lurches towards him, all but flinging himself off the bed into his arms.

“Hey baby,” Mingyu whispers against the warm skin of his neck, arms automatically wrapping around him.

Joshua tries to say ‘hi’ back but nothing comes out, realizing he might be crying again, maybe, kind of. Seeing Mingyu’s soft, handsome face makes the dam inside him break, he can’t fight it or stop it.

“It’s okay,” Joshua feels lips pressing against the bare bit of skin peeking out from the stretched collar of his shirt, Mingyu’s words are warm as they wash over him, “You’re okay, I’m right here.”

Joshua feels frantic, desperately clinging to his boyfriend’s shoulders, attempting to bodily wrap around him, Mingyu for his part doesn’t seem to mind the clingy, sobbing boyfriend he’s now in charge of.

He feels himself being picked up, lifted easily in Mingyu’s strong, ridiculously well-muscled arms, and carried out of his room.

Mingyu stops moving almost the instant they leave his room, Joshua hears Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s voices. When Josh peeks out from Mingyu’s neck he sees Jeonghan standing in front of him, wringing his hands together, biting his lip and Josh feels horrible for making him worry so much over him having a bad day.

Seungcheol moves close to him, still talking to Mingyu, saying words that Joshua can’t focus on or understand. He does notice when Seungcheol stops talking, his lips meet his forehead, resting there for a long moment before he’s pulling back, fingers tangling in his hair. Josh feels himself leaning closer to Seungcheol, like a magnetic force drawing him in. A hand reaches out and swipes across his cheek to rid him of the tears still slowly streaming down his face, it makes him a little more aware when he hears Seungcheol start talking again.

“It’s the 4thday this week Ming,”

“I know Cheolie,”

Jeonghan snuggles up close to the three of them, nuzzling Joshua’s shoulder and Mingyu’s arm, clearly distressed and upset about Joshua crying. The confidence he showed earlier when he was taking care of him is gone, replaced by a panic Joshua doesn’t like watching take over Jeonghan’s typically bright, handsome face.

“Take care of him Mingyu please, please,” Jeonghan is looking at him like he can’t even conceptualize looking away from him. Joshua can’t bear how he’s staring at him though so he turns and hides his face in Mingyu’s neck.

“I always do,” he sounds almost affronted when he says it and Josh snuggles closer to him.

Jeonghan makes a strangled sound, but he hears the sound of kissing, desperate and kind of noisy as Joshua feels himself being squished between two bodies.

“I know that Mingyu but take even better care of him now, please I mean it.” Jeonghan finishes with a sniffle, Joshua feels lips against his temple, fingers move slowly through his hair before disappearing.

“Love you baby,” Seungcheol whispers to him, Josh moves to look at him and smiles, “And you Mingyu, I-”

“Love you too, both of you,”

Mingyu says goodbye to the other two quickly before moving on down the hallway to his own room.

 

He hears the door click shut as they enter Mingyu’s room. He’s lifted easily over the edge of Mingyu’s raised bed, placed there gently before he sees Mingyu moving to rid himself of the clothes he’s been wearing all day. He changes quickly into sweatpants and a soft long-sleeved shirt. He grabs a sweatshirt from his closet before climbing up at the foot of the bed and joining his sniffling boyfriend.

“Here you go,” Mingyu hands him the sweatshirt, taking his hand and pulling him up. Joshua lifts his arms above his head to allow Mingyu to remove his current clothing and replace it with his own. Joshua feels a strange sense of calm wash over him as Mingyu’s distinct scent wraps warmly around him, like a hug and then Mingyu’s arms are wrapping around him, pulling him down into an actual hug and Joshua melts.

He burrows into his chest, as comfort settles in between his bones he feels the tears build up again. When he tries to swallow them down the effort ends up making them bust out of him with a sob he wasn’t prepared for.

Mingyu squeezes him, one hand moving to hold his head, tucking him into the side of his neck as his tear wrack through him violently.

His boyfriend makes soft soothing noises against the crown of his head, gently kissing him every few seconds to continue comforting him.

After he comes down, sobs turning to silent tears then into barely there sniffles, Mingyu gives him an extra tight squeeze before moving them around so they can look at one another. He brushes his fingers through the fringe that lays fluffy over his forehead, Mingyu leans into to kiss the exposed skin. Joshua closes his eyes, enjoying the affection and tenderness. His quiet, steady comfort is that special thing he’s been craving all day long. And then Mingyu goes and breaks their routine by speaking to him. Asking him questions where he knows Joshua usually doesn’t like to talk.

“Better babe?”

Joshua hums, curling his arms against his chest in between them.

“I know you don’t like to talk about it…and normally I’m okay with that but I think we should talk about this Jisoo.”

“I don’t want-” Josh starts but is cut off.

“Can I…do you think maybe it’s time to go back to your doctor, babe?”

Joshua stares up at him, equal parts shocked, frightened and upset that the only boyfriend who never bugs him about his bad days is bugging him right now. _Figures._

“Mingyu-”

“I know Jisoo but…I’m worried. You know I don’t like to push or pry but I’m getting worried, we all are. We just want to help if we can. And you don’t talk to us, maybe it’d be good to have somebody to talk to.”

Joshua sighs, defeated. All the reasons he’s avoided going back to see his doctor rushing back to him in that instance.

“I don’t want to have to take medicine Mingyu…it messes with you,” Joshua lays a hand against Mingyu’s chest when he opens his mouth to speak, in an attempt to stop him. “I watched my Mom struggle, she hated how the meds they put her on changed her. They tamp down your personality, they screw with your head Ming… I don’t want that.” 

This doesn’t seem to be good enough for Mingyu who seems to be just as upset as Joshua is at this point.

“So you’d rather be miserable every day? Is it better to not even be able to get out of bed?”

Joshua feels himself reel backwards like he’s been hit.

Mingyu looked instantly guilty, like he’d snatch the words back if he could.

“I’m sorry, shit I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that baby, just shit is this…you’re ok with feeling like this so often?”

Joshua curls in on himself while Mingyu gets closer, wrapping around him again.

“I don’t know but I don’t want to not be me…I like who I am on my good days.”

“Me too baby. I like you all the time actually,” Mingyu’s mouth opened over his clothed shoulder, chomping at him playfully. “It can’t hurt to talk to her again. See what they think, find something that works for you.”

“I don’t want to have to take medicine,” Joshua turned and buried his face into Mingyu’s chest, whining at him slightly.

“I get it baby, I’m not crazy about you having to take medicine either…you might not even have to though…but you have to see her again to find out. And honestly, I’d rather know for sure. If it makes you feel better, gives you more good days than bad…how can that be bad huh?”

“I don’t want to not be me,”

“You might not need it…” Mingyu tries to reassure him but Joshua knows better. His life would never hand him a favor like that.

“I know but I probably will that’s why I’ve been avoiding going back for so long.”

Mingyu kissed at his head instead of answering. He dragged him with him as he collapsed back to his pillows.

“I’ll ask Dongro hyung to call her office, set up an appointment up for me.”

Mingyu’s arms squeezed around him, tightening till Joshua felt himself squish against his chest.

“It can’t hurt to get her opinion ya know,” Mingyu whispered as he kissed his hair, hands curling around his sides easily.

“I know,” Joshua sighed, not feeling horrible about the prospect but also not looking forward to what she might have to say, knowing he might not like it. But he did feel better having Mingyu’s reassurance and support. He knows if nothing else he’ll have Mingyu with him, regardless of what happens to him after his appointment.

Mingyu lets them lapse into peaceful silence after that. He never lets up on his strong hold though, keeping him so close to him Joshua thinks they might become one. His hands never stop moving up and down his sides in a soothing manner, lips dropping random kisses across his forehead and over his hair. And this is why he wanted Mingyu, why he needed him, why he knew he needed him. He only pushed him to talk if he felt Joshua really needed to. He was fine to let them just lay together otherwise, safe in each other’s arms, quiet and content in their little bubble.

It was like he could sense he couldn’t talk about it anymore. As if he knew the small conversation they’d had about it how they were going to deal with his increasing number of bad days, had completely sapped his meager store of energy. He had nothing left, he couldn’t even think to talk anymore, and even though he’d slept most of the day, he felt like he could fall asleep right here, right now. Maybe it would even leave him feeling rested, Mingyu had a strange and different sort of effect on him. 

Jihoon came in a few minutes later, grabbing his toothbrush and a sweatshirt, saying that he was going to stay with Seungkwan and Seokmin that night. Joshua looked down the foot of the bed where Jihoon was standing, rocking from foot to foot.

One second he was loitering the next he was climbing up the few stairs and crawling up the bed. He leaned down to give Joshua a kiss on the cheek, telling him he loved him, moving back with a smile to do the same to Mingyu. Jihoon started moving back down the bed, giving Joshua’s ankle a quick squeeze, calling out one more, ‘love you guys’ before he was gone.

Mingyu’s laughter pulled Joshua back to him, “I’m surprised he was willing to go somewhere else…doesn’t he usually just stay in here anyway?”

Josh hummed in response, knowing it wasn’t really a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’.

“Checking on me,” Joshua whispers, words starting to slur as he gets sleepier by the second.

Mingyu’s fingers scratched down his neck, kissed his forehead. “He’s a softie for you,” Mingyu laughed at his own jab and then got quiet. “Don’t tell him I said that,” the panic rising in his voice made Joshua giggle quietly.

“I won’t,”

“Thanks babe,” Mingyu nuzzled into the top of his head, resting his cheek against his hair.

 

His eyes continued drooping, body feeling heavy as his mind started lagging away. Before he could drift off his head decided to whirl one more nasty line of thinking back at him.

Did it bother his boyfriend that Joshua took advantage of the soothing effect he had on him? Was it obvious to him that he needed him when he got like this? Did he only spend time with him when he was like this? Did his bad days lead him to Mingyu and his better days lead him to everyone else?

He couldn’t remember actually.

Partly because he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a truly good day, a day where he wasn’t exhausted and done. So many bad days meant lots of time with Mingyu but had he been with him at all otherwise? Joshua felt sick thinking about it.

He felt the tears that had finally subsided work back up, forming a solid lump at the back of his throat.

He felt Mingyu sit up slightly underneath him, he made a distressed noise as a hand worked into the back of his hair, tangling there and holding him even closer.

It takes him a decent amount of time to come down after and once he does the only thing Mingyu does is tip his chin up so he can wipe away his tears, kissing him between the eyes for a long drawn out moment.

Joshua takes a deep, shuddering breath as he looks up at his concerned, quiet boyfriend.

He gives him a tight smile, it’s all he can manage but he hopes it’s enough to let Mingyu know he’s okay.

“Sorry,” Joshua’s voice breaks over the words.

Mingyu’s whole face pinches, eyebrows pulling together quickly. “Don’t, don’t be sorry for having a bad day. You’re allowed to have those and they’re allowed to knock you down and upset you…you know I understand that.”

Josh nodded his head, took a deep breath before he tried again, pushing forward.

“I know that…I know that but…”

“Do you know it?”

“Yes, I do but I’m still sorry,” Joshua huffed at him when Mingyu moved in to kiss at his tear stained cheeks. “I’m sorry you always have to deal with me when I’m like this, you get a crying, shaking mess, I’m never… I’m sorry Mingy I don’t mean to-” 

“Josh baby stop it, I get plenty of you,” Mingyu emphasizes his point by laying a long kiss against the corner of his mouth, instantly calming Josh down where he’d been working himself up into a frenzy. He turned the tiniest bit to kiss Mingyu back, fiercely, desperately as Mingyu began sliding his hand down Josh’s spine, fingers dipping into the back of Josh’s sweatpants. Joshua squirmed and giggled, feeling the odd calm morph into happiness. Pure, giddy delight bubbled from deep inside of him, from far behind the dark pit that had been consuming him recently. When they parted, Joshua couldn’t think of much else but hopefully getting to be kissed like that some more, he blinked happily up at Mingyu who is grinning so softly at him it makes Josh ache deep inside. Pit replaced for the time being by a fluttering, sparkly, joyful thing, a special thing that he didn’t want to go away. That special thing that Joshua usually feels whenever Mingyu wrapped his arms around him and held him through his darkest moments. 

Mingyu’s grin turned into a smirk as he withdraws his fingers from the back of Joshua’s pants, his thumbs worked against the dimples at the base of his spine, making maddening, perfect, swirls into the dips. The motions draw a quiet whimper from him, Mingyu sighs back at him happily but drags his hands away anyway. Not willing to take this there, Joshua, when he thinks about it, isn’t up for anything more than the gentle kisses Mingyu is giving him and being wrapped in his strong arms. So, he’s thankful.

Mingyu brushes some hair behind his ear, fingers stroking across his forehead and down his cheek. Mingyu leaned down to kiss the tip of his nose, laughing as Joshua scrunched up his features. He took a deep breath before he started talking again, eyes not leaving Joshua’s, fingers not leaving his face.

“I love that I’m who you trust with your bad days, that’s such an honor, no a privilege. I love that you come to me, I love that I make you feel better and I love you, no matter what state you’re in when we spend time together, no matter how long it lasts, I love you and I will always be here to take care of you and make things better…or at least hold you through it.” 

“I love you Mingyu, so much,” Joshua inches closer, tucks his nose against Mingyu’s, “I just feel bad, I know you don’t mind but it feels crappy for me, I feel it.”

“Don’t. I promise I don’t ever think about it like that. Having you near me, in my life is the brightest spot of each day for me. You are the best of me Joshua, don’t ever…don’t you ever think you’re anything less than that. I’m lucky to have you, every day, I’m just so lucky and I love you.”

“I love you too, thank you, I love you,” Joshua kissed him, over and over and over and curled against him when they separated, eased into a sense of contentment he couldn’t fight, didn’t care to. He was lulled into a peaceful sleep by his boyfriend’s even breathing and his fingers stroking from the back of his head all the way down to the base of his spine and back up, tempting him to rest.

….…

It’s a couple weeks later that Joshua is snuggled up on the couch with Seokmin and Seungkwan watching a movie. Seungkwan’s feet are busy kneading the small of his back as he lays against Seokmin who just seems deliriously happy to have him there in his arms. They’ve all been extra attentive with him since he’d called his doctor and set up an appointment. So far it’s been nice, having them all doting on him. They’ve all still been letting him come to them first rather than smothering him if he’s not ready.

Mingyu has been the worst (*read best) and Joshua truly can’t find a fault with that. At all. Hard as he tries.

He’s busy basically purring against the fabric of Seokmin’s sweater when Mingyu comes home, they all perk up to see him come into the room, arms full of several different shopping bags.

He smiles when he sees them placing his bags down by the door before making his way over to the couch with a silly bounce in his step that has the three of them laughing. He kisses Seokmin, nudging his head back with the force of it, smiling when Seokmin huffs and pushes him away playfully.

Seungkwan hops up onto his knees, eager and excited for his kiss. Mingyu presses a soft kiss of Joshua’s exposed forehead before moving to his mouth, kissing him so tenderly and gently that Joshua feels his insides liquefy as he goops against Seokmin’s chest.

He hears Seungkwan groan as Mingyu strokes his fingers down his face, reverently moving his fingers under Josh’s chin, smiling softly at him before turning his attention to Seungkwan who’s crossed his arms over his chest, pout set firmly on his face.

“I don’t even _want_ to kiss you now,” Mingyu steps away from the couch and mimics Seungkwan’s posture. “So, annoying, groaning and carrying on,” Seokmin and Joshua giggle as they start bickering.

“Yes, you do, don’t lie,”

“I kinda don’t,”

“Oh my god shut up,”

“No…maybe if you say please, I’ll kiss you,”

Seungkwan squawked at that, “Seok didn’t have to say please...”

Mingyu joined Josh and Seokmin in their laughter at that.

“Mingyu you have got to be-” Seungkwan didn’t get to finish his sentence as Mingyu came forward to kiss him quickly. Seungkwan sagged into him, kissed him enthusiastically. He swatted at Mingyu’s chest when he pulled back, annoyed at his teasing but happy from the kiss.

Joshua smiled to himself, laying back against Seokmin’s chest as Mingyu continued to tease Seungkwan who was beating him up playfully for his effort.

“What’s in the bags babe,” Seokmin asked, pausing the movie finally.

Mingyu stood up straight and walked back to the pile of bags by the door.

“I saw something when I was out and I just had to buy it,”

“Of course, you did,” Seungkwan muttered fondly.

“It’s not for me,” Mingyu said, pulling out a box from one of the bags.

Joshua saw the box and instantly knew it was for him. He wondered if Mingyu knew he’d researched those or just saw it randomly and got one for him.

“What is that?” Seokmin asked, jostling Joshua as he sat up.

“It’s a happy light, the light bulbs mimic the UV rays that the sun produces. The idea is that it helps produce vitamin D like you would if you were sitting in the sun. The guy in the store said it helps with people who suffer from depression and…it’s not medicine. But I also got some vitamins too…yeah so-”

Joshua stood up, the action silenced Mingyu’s rambling and stopped his wild hands.

He walked up to him and pressed into his chest, looked up at him happily. He wondered cheekily if he could get his daily dose of vitamin D from his boyfriend, who loved him with an intensity that could rival the sun.

“Thank you,” Joshua whispered, his thankfulness, his gratitude and his words escaping him momentarily. “Would you like to help me find a place for it?” Joshua didn’t wait for an answer, taking his hands and pulling him from the living room. Mingyu followed him easily, dopily. So blindly in fact that he had to turn around and collect the light he’d bought for Joshua. Forgotten in his eagerness to follow after his boyfriend and the smile he’d missed so much.


End file.
